The Shire

So, I was driving at 55 mph on a lonely highway through the middle of nowhere, and my son asks me a question: “Mom, why do chameleons change their color to wherever they are?”  This is an easy one, right? “Well son, cause it keeps them safe from predators.”  “Mom, what if the chameleon is on a road, then it isn’t safe if it is the same color, cause the cars wouldn’t be able to see it.”  “Well, I suppose it’s cause a road is not a chameleon’s natural environment, so its tricks don’t work in its favor.”  That sounds like an answer worth hanging on to, I thought to myself.  Maybe that’s why MY tricks don’t work, I’m not in my natural environment.

Did you ever notice how many officers of the law you come across on the lonely 55 mph highways in the small towns across the country?  They are everywhere.  They sit and wait for unsuspecting city folks to cruise by going 59.  And they don’t drive regular police cars, black and whites, they drive brown SUV’s labeled “trooper”, and green dodge chargers labeled “patrol”, and orange and green small town pd, I even saw a black corvette that just said “law enforcement.”  Law enforcement, what is that?  I just about pulled over and admitted to sharing my iTunes downloads, and opening the deodorant in the store just to smell it.  Seriously, did no one actually attempt to drive 55 miles per hour before declaring it law?  It’s like crawling down the open road.  The squirrels think it’s funny to see how many times they can cross in front of you before you get close enough for them to stick their tongue out and dart into the shoulder brush.

Then there’s the destination.  For me, it’s a cabin in the woods, with a hammock looking up at a canopy of green leaves, and a quiet lake with a resident loon family.  I go there on my breaks.  It’s a haul, 10 hours of slow motion driving, but it’s worth the trek.  Maybe it’s the drive itself that serves as a sedative – causing a mental slowdown.  Once there, it’s the sound of nothing but blowing trees.  The smell of dirt and sap and cool water wind.  That’s my Shire, at least for now.

For some I suppose the destination is going home, wherever that may be.  To others a resort on a white sand beach with the ocean breeze.  To some it is the sounds of the city out an open night window, or the company of friends and a bottle of wine.

Sometimes I feel like the further away I get from my woods, and the more tricks I try, the less they work.  I’m starting to think maybe my camouflage has me looking like a Toucan in the wild west.  Counterproductive.   An effective and descriptive one word sentence, in my opinion.   Why here?  Why now?

I’ve got it in my mind to try some new things around Kansas City this year, local things that I will miss if I ever blend completely into the background of my Shire; special places that I would want someone to take me if I visited the city.  It’s a short list so far, but I’m open to suggestions.  I’m pretty tired of standing in the middle of a highway in my best gray get-up; I perceive that it’s time for some new tricks.

And so… as summer descends upon us, I am not only looking forward to the weight of studies off my chest, but also to the change of seasons in my city.  A city which I am learning to embrace, though it will never compare in comfort – to my Shire.

I am an A student

With finals fast approaching, I got to thinking.  If you had to give yourself a grade in life right now, what would it be? And what criteria would you use to assess such a thing?

I would like to think we’d all give ourselves A’s for effort, but something tells me that’s not the case.  Maybe it’s the fight I had with my husband over nothing, or the way I rushed my son out the door this morning like I was herding sheep.  Was that my test, did I lose points for carelessness?  Is there extra credit?  Is it appropriate to call his school and leave a message that I am sorry I rushed him today, and I hope he has a good day?  In this singular instance, I’m wishing 6 year-olds could text.  Wouldn’t that be great… “I love you Sweetie, I’m sorry I rushed you, have a good day.” Send (Reply “cat, hat, rat.” Send.)

I’ve taken a liking to the motto, ‘live and learn’.  If you think about it, it’s actually much more meaningful than other cliches, as it calls you to do two things that are critical in avoiding a life un-lived and lessons being repeated over and over again.  Nobody likes a repeat lesson, that’s for sure.  I tend to be a bit hard headed, and I think my average for experiencing failure before learning my lesson is around ten to twelve.  Once I’m up over about ten I get this nagging feeling like, “wait a minute, I’ve been here before, this causes pain, I’m supposed to seek pleasure.”  Then I’m all about change, rocket boosters blazing, full steam ahead.

I think the first thing I’d do in assessing my grade is to make a syllabus.  I’m all about making lists, there’s nothing better than a good list to remove the fear that you’re not actually doing anything.  A life syllabus, if I may.  I’d skip the intro and contact info, for obvious reason, and dive right into the expectations.  Perhaps the 10 commandments are a good place to start, they’re clear cut, easy to list out, a little fuzzy at the end maybe.  Perhaps the Dharma or the teachings of Confucius.  Here’s a shout out to anyone looking for good material for their next book, combine the teachings of Jesus, Confucius, Buddha, Louzi, and Muhammad into a medium-sized soft cover book under a hundred pages long and title it “Life’s Syllabus.”  I’d buy it.  Expectations – done.

Now for the plan and the point value, that’s a little more vague and personal, so I don’t think a book will do.  Although if you think about it, it’s probably easier to read any NY Times Best Seller like the “7 Habits,” or “The Purpose Driven Life” than to hash out a quality 5 year plan.  That way instead of asking what you could do today to meet your goals of tomorrow, you would just ask “WWJD,” you know, “What Would Jesus Do?”  I’ll tell you one thing, that would be much easier than being held accountable for something “You Would Do” after you’ve done it.  No, I think for this one, I would just use a bunch of New Year’s Resolutions.  Not the weight loss or substance abuse control ones, the mushy ones: to love better, listen more, stop and smell the flowers, etc.  Each one is worth a point.  The more goals the better, that way when you stick headphones in your ears so you don’t have to listen to others, and plow down the flowers on your way somewhere, you still have enough points to prop up your self worth.  After all, I don’t think that Jesus would set himself up for failure.  I’ll let that one simmer for a minute, might create a nice stew, depending on your beliefs.

Back to the plan.  Honestly, I tend to make big plan, ie. move across country, pay off massive debt, make a baby, earn a special qualifying certificate of some kind or another.  That’s my tendency, moving mountains.  It’s in my heart, flowing through my revolutionary veins like a natural disaster.  I’ve yet to find a radar that can track it.  This year, however, is approximately 10 years from my first big plan-making expedition, which sent me down the aisle, across the country, and into labor, so I’m getting that familiar nagging feeling (of lessons learned) like a flashing exit sign in a dark hallway.  It’s telling me to plan small.  To live well.  To settle the wind and get a better view of the reflection in the water.  Now it’s just how to put that on a list?

I once was asked what character trait I admired most in another person.  I thought about courage, and kindness, self control, self sacrifice, bravery, intelligence, stability, honesty, honor and so on.  Most of all though, what I admire in someone is self-awareness.  No one is great at everything, usually honorable character traits come along with imbalance and areas of massive weakness.  Whether it is about Lincoln, Martin Luther King, or Mother Teresa, the biographies of heroes serve the purpose of both sending one’s soul into awe and wonder, as well as dishing the dirt so no reader need feel too incompetent.  To be human is to live and learn, to breath in fresh air and to feel suffocated in times of change.  It is impressive to me when someone can wield their strengths and weaknesses like a tool in hand and purpose them towards their destiny.  With self-awareness comes not only the ability to achieve, but the ability to apologize, and to accept the things we cannot change while we change the things we can.

So I guess the last part of my syllabus would have to be a bit of pleasantry about my excitement for the journey; about how an A is for effort, and F just means incomplete.  So what about C?  Maybe it means to consider an incomplete journey that is chock-full of effort to be just like everyone else – average.  I’m not so sure, but I think if I honestly were to give my mess of a beautiful life a neat and tidy grade today, I’m going with…